Shouldn’t I be Sadder?

Shouldn’t I be sadder?

Is there something wrong with me?

Why do I feel shallow,

knowing you are finally free?

Free from all the treatments,

Free to wash your hair,

Free to stand up on your own,

Free to take the stairs.

There’s freedom in my widow day,

decisions by myself.

Choosing what to cook for dinner,

considering no one else.

I have a lot more free time,

less dishes and laundry to fold.

No one else to wait for

while dinner’s growing cold.

Sometimes I feel so guilty,

like I’m not grieving right.

Shouldn’t I be miserable,

crying day and night?

Knowing you are healthy,

on heaven’s sandy shores,

gives me peace and comfort.

Could I wish for something more?

When I get to hold you tight,

I’ll let my heart break free,

spilling tears that I’ve been saving,

from little ol’ shallow me.